A Reason for Praise

The media is finally condemning domestic abuse.

I've never much been in favor personally of making celebrities out of athletes. It seemed like a risky move to me, just as putting any human being on a pedestal for worship and intense adoration is likely to be. But if our culture did not make celebrities out of athletes, it is very possible that our same culture would not be seeing the progress it is finally seeing now. People are beginning to pay attention to the horror and prevalence of domestic violence. Finally.

The attention and outcry are getting louder. People are realizing that just as those Boston citizens could say, "I had no idea he could do something like plant a bomb at a marathon. He seemed like such a normal guy," or those Cleveland citizens could say, "But I lived next to those guys for ten years; I ate barbeque in their backyard. I had no idea they had kidnapped women in the bedroom upstairs," or those Oklahoma City residents could say, "But Tim seemed like an average guy to me," they too can say, "I had no idea that normal looking family man was a brute and a beast and a sociopath with the wife who stuck by him for so long."

Domestic violence is a type of terrorism. It depends on the same things to flourish: secrecy, privacy, outward appearances, threats, intimidation, the element of surprise.

And God hates it. Women are just as much a part of his "treasured possession" as believing men. He uses women as the very symbol of his own Bride, the church, whom he himself died for. He loves women fiercely and jealously and he will not remain patiently silent and merciful forever toward the men who harm his daughter, or the men in authority who will not come to their aid. It is these men in authority to whom Jesus was speaking when he told them that God did indeed allow for divorce, but why? Because their hearts were hard--the leaders', the men's hearts were hard. God allows for divorce in order to protect his daughters because men will not repent, have empathy, use their power for the good of the women they are to cherish and care for as their own bodies and as Christ loved the church.

It is to these abusive men, who have forgotten the bride of their youth, to whom God says he hates--the men who did not love their wives but instead created an unthinkable rift with them, these men who clothe themselves with violence (Malachi 2:16). Yes, God hates the rift in relationship that is divorce, but he gives permission for legalizing that divorce in order to protect the woman who is being destroyed by her faithless husband.

Your maker is your husband! And he will not forsake you. He is coming. He is coming back. And he is not coming as a lamb this time. He is coming as a GROOM and as a WARRIOR.

The trumpets are being sounded. Men of the church, are you listening? John Piper, are YOU listening? Will you use your power, your authority, your influence to defend the widows, where God's heart is, or to keep them in oppression, fear, and turmoil forever?

The evidence is clear. Abuse is wrong. The dividing lines are being drawn. The martyrs crying out, "How long?" are heard, and God is moving in his church. His justice is sure. We who have cried out and had our cries fall on deaf ears are heard. That's reason for praise!

A Voice for the Abused #5: Boz Tchividjian

Another prominent voice in the church speaks out against spiritual abuse of church authorities who deny, rename, and compel women to stay in abusive situations.

John Piper, are you listening yet?


http://boz.religionnews.com/2014/09/12/whyistayed-churches-support-spousal-abuse/

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After the Monster: Struggles of an Abuse Survivor

Why is controlling, manipulating, threatening, intimidating, and sometimes even physically destructive abuse so damaging to the personhood of the victim? Why don't we just bounce back when it ends? What is it like to be the survivor of an abusive relationship--both emotionally and practically?



This writer sometimes thinks that no one else can possibly understand the internal turmoil that was caused by years and years of abuse. Every day is a battle to hold onto truth and to chase away the lies that robbed me of my identity, dignity, stability, joy, and worth.

I'm told it gets better with time, lots of time. I'm also told that it is normal to be standing where I am now and not be able to see the end result of healing that I'm hoping for. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, depression, unexplained anxiety, self-doubt, fear of disapproval, fear of personal expression... these things are conditioned in and reach into the whole person, but I am told they will be chiseled away a little at a time and that one day, life won't be so unmanageable.

I'm not there yet. I want someone to understand what it is like to be me. Pastor Dave Orrison does a good job of explaining what this place in life is like for me and other survivors like me.

You can read the entire piece here: The Monster's Legacy. The "monster" he refers to is not an individual but the condition of narcissism and sociopathy (anti-social personality disorder) that is the seed of much abuse in intimate relationships.

"Inability to make decisions, fear in personal relationships, nagging false guilt and shame, broken connections with others, depression, anxiety, and loneliness. These are some of the normal internal struggles. Then there are the external struggles. Financial stresses, custody and visitation issues, the need to find a job or the loss of a job, the physical consequences of stress, and so much more. When you look back at the end of a narcissistic relationship, you usually see a wide path of destruction."

Sociopaths in the Church

Most of us go through our lives unaware that we are living and functioning alongside sociopaths in our communities on a regular basis. Until we finally identify that we are living with one, that is, and then, it is as if our eyes are finally opened and we can see how others are able to appear so normal to the outer world while deeply harming the people closest to them in secret.

Sociopaths are in your church too. Church is an easy place for them to hide and thrive. This article helps explain how that comes about and gives some valuable input into how to separate and then reunite in our thinking the appropriate ways to show grace and hold accountable those with this disorder who are harming others.

This is a "must read" for anyone. Victims of sociopaths will find encouragement here. Those who have escaped victimhood can find light to shine into the darkness for the victims in their midst. God put us in churches to help one another. Those under the control of a sociopath need love, fellowship, support, and ears to hear the horror they have experience and the emotional void they have a starvation to fill.

Be the church. Educate yourself about Anti-Social Personality Disorder and how it harms others. Start here: Anti-Social Personality Disorder in the Church.

Discipline or Abuse: Adrian Peterson in the news

So, is anyone else feeling anxious about the children in the life of Minnesota Viking Adrian Peterson?

The man has not been tried for a crime of child abuse, and so judgment must be withheld until a verdict or confession is made. However, this writer is anxious and unsettled by what the news is reporting.

A man with two four-year-old sons by different mothers spends time with those children unsupervised. While in his care, both children receive bodily injuries that are evidenced by breaking of the skin. One is supported by photographs--a minimum of 16 switch marks on the child's skin. The other claims a scar on the face above the child's eye, which occurred when the four-year-old tried to resist the original punishment.

In both cases, text messages from Peterson affirm that he did cause the wounds while disciplining the children. In one case, he admitted via text that he struck the child in the testicles. In both cases, he claimed to feel bad about the injuries--and called the testicular injury an accident (presumably from loss of control), but he continued to stand by the firmness of his disciplinary choices.

Can we at least agree that the purpose of disciplining a child is to lovingly redirect or restore the child, and not to punish or inflict a wound or scar? Can we agree that before administering discipline, a parent must examine himself or herself to be careful not to overreact out of anger? These little ones are being shaped under our own hands. If we lash out in rage--and 16 or more lashes with an object can hardly be imagined as controlled action--what are we really teaching? How does one restore trust and love after something like that?

Withholding judgment is turning out to be hard. Pray the little ones get the support of knowledgeable adults who will speak for them. Pray for truth to be told.