After the Monster: Struggles of an Abuse Survivor

Why is controlling, manipulating, threatening, intimidating, and sometimes even physically destructive abuse so damaging to the personhood of the victim? Why don't we just bounce back when it ends? What is it like to be the survivor of an abusive relationship--both emotionally and practically?



This writer sometimes thinks that no one else can possibly understand the internal turmoil that was caused by years and years of abuse. Every day is a battle to hold onto truth and to chase away the lies that robbed me of my identity, dignity, stability, joy, and worth.

I'm told it gets better with time, lots of time. I'm also told that it is normal to be standing where I am now and not be able to see the end result of healing that I'm hoping for. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, depression, unexplained anxiety, self-doubt, fear of disapproval, fear of personal expression... these things are conditioned in and reach into the whole person, but I am told they will be chiseled away a little at a time and that one day, life won't be so unmanageable.

I'm not there yet. I want someone to understand what it is like to be me. Pastor Dave Orrison does a good job of explaining what this place in life is like for me and other survivors like me.

You can read the entire piece here: The Monster's Legacy. The "monster" he refers to is not an individual but the condition of narcissism and sociopathy (anti-social personality disorder) that is the seed of much abuse in intimate relationships.

"Inability to make decisions, fear in personal relationships, nagging false guilt and shame, broken connections with others, depression, anxiety, and loneliness. These are some of the normal internal struggles. Then there are the external struggles. Financial stresses, custody and visitation issues, the need to find a job or the loss of a job, the physical consequences of stress, and so much more. When you look back at the end of a narcissistic relationship, you usually see a wide path of destruction."